A DROP OF WISHFUL THINKING...

If I have a universal remote? Hmmmm... Somehow, everyone would dream to take control of his/her life and navigate it towards the best possible thing to happen, given a chance. Well, I promise I won’t abuse the use of it, but maybe just maybe I know I could be tempted but I can manage to take control and live my life, with or without it.

I bet I would go back in time, reminisce memories, examine myself, observe the things I’ve done in the past, study how I end up being myself coz’ there are things I would like to remember over and over again and some, that I regret. We can all go back to the past since we got memories but its different when you get see it right in front of your face, from a different perspective. Let’s face it there are things we buried deep down inside our head so that we could forget. Although, I can’t change a thing about it at that exact moment, it’s always nice to look back every once in a while.

I would use a couple of pause to freeze time. One of the most impossible things in life is to stop time. You know when things get to crunch time, you got a lot of things to do and somehow it just won’t fit in your schedule no matter how much you plan for things and those moments where you just really like for the world to stop turning, for a second. I know it is my responsibility to manage my time but honestly, if I have that “pause function” I would have used it a number of times in my favor in a good way and not abusive. I knew I would.

Lastly, if fast-forwarding means I get to see the future but could never regain the past and what I had missed then I’d never click that button. As much as I want to see what the future holds, I believe the journey is more worth it than the destination cause whatever part I take is what determines where I go.

It is funny how things turn around, and it’s always at the point where you realized right were you where before is where you want to be. But then, guess it’s too late now for regrets. All you can do is face it and deal with it coz’ things change constantly and time is the only thing you can never get back.

I come face to face with a reality…

Transition between “Reality Is Hidden In Our Heart’s Desire” and a “Reality Check”, it is similar somehow in ways that I, myself, believe it is comparable. Except I was wrong…

I have been through a lot, as much as other people does, we all have our own story to tell. And if you would ask me to narrate my story…

It has been blank since then when I decided to leave all the chapters of my life…

Let me guess, you’d read this and you’ll say I am “emo” but no, I wasn’t being or anything close to that. To all the people I’ve left and forget along the way, I guess I need to live my life alone and be able to face the fears that kept me in the shadows. I thought it was something I have to do; nevertheless I just completely let myself forget and be forgotten.

This not about love, not about specific someone, not about you actually.

This is about me. :)

Well… “It’s never ending, all the memories and yesterday years we’ve been through together. It’s never easy, done it all to get away from all the things that reminds me of you…” as the song goes…

I still get to keep those memories… So I thank you guys! Muwaaah! <3

I have moments when I just really feel like being nostalgic…

Silence but never silence… some thoughts are nothing but shallow, and some may go beyond the deepest I could get. These notions are never spoken, yet words are striking within the depths to the core. Sometimes I wish I could just shut it down but my mind is more stubborn than I am, it is penetrating me completely without a fight, ripping apart the memory I had long forgotten and shattering all my pretentions I had kept all to myself.

****

I was weakened and soon afterwards I was on the ground. Nevertheless, these feelings keep being so strong. I want to scream yet my voice is nowhere found. I tried to stand but my knees are trembling cold. I kept my eyes closed, trying to stop the last thing I reminded myself not to do. Cry. Then tears are running slowly drop after drop, my hands reached on my cheeks denying those tears the right to exist, wiping them off but it just never stops.

“I am so sorry. He’s gone.”

The room gives dreary, cold and melancholic atmosphere with its walls painted white, and the sterile smell commonly associated with hospitals hung heavily in the air. The door was left open and people passing-by furnish curiosity as they walk along the corridor with their footsteps echoing slowly. They look at me as if they were desperately trying to give me remorse. My mind went blank and just stared into nothingness because the more I tried to think, the more I become so despondent. However, my memories lead me back to that day…

I remembered vividly his last memory. It was a quiet summer morning. The waves seem calm at dawn, almost sunrise. The shore is nothing but little pieces of sand trailing my path while I walk towards him. I saw him from a distant and shouted his name, it echoed through the cold and gentle wind.

“Michael…”

I chuckled a little then waved at him with excitement as he turned around and smiled at me.

That was the last.

He collapsed into the sand. I was left stunned. My face turned pale, I felt scared.

In an instant, there was a commotion.

I walked treacherously and my hands felt numbed reaching out for him but the short distance between us feels like horizons apart.

I knew from the moment that it was time.

It is the one last heart attack, the fatal one.

****

I stood, alone, on the dark night sky along the bridge where I first met him.

He said, his life was useless, in the end he will just die and no one will ever think of his existence.

I told him, I ‘will’ prove him wrong.

He believed and whispered, he will be waiting for that time…

And I’m right…

I am right here standing on the bridge, recalling everything from the beginning, asking for something that would ease the pain, wishing for some kind of miracle that would make God return him to me. I was trapped with memories going through my head over and over again. My life is as useless as yours back then, more than a heart attack, it is a special case of pain that only time could tell when this will be cured or if there is any cure. Who knows?

I walked away in tears and whispered, “I will be waiting…”

-THE END-

(This is just a simple short story, I just felt like writing...)

-by: ArjHaine-

June 19,2009 4:50pm